Rant With An Ambiguous Title
I am proposing to everyone a very specific situation or person or characteristic that I hate. The object of my rant is something I feel strongly about. I will now explain how I came to these conclusions, usually with a story, or an event, and how it effected me. The story is partly true, so I will embellish it for purposes of relating to most of you. I will sometimes use formatting to break up the monotony of a paragraph.
Like this.
Or this.
And I will sometimes include a dialogue:
“Words that may or may not have actually been spoken.”
“But is it really necessary? Yea, I say. See that? I used a bit of humor to keep you reading.”
And upon completion of the story, I will emphasize my original statement of the rant. It will take a couple of sentences to really suss out the essence of my argument. I may ask another question. Is here good? Yes. And at this point, I realize that maybe I am offending someone. I’ve gone too far. If the reader has read this far, they may have been scanning their computer screen for the unfollow button. So I must act quickly in the next sentence. Well, the sentence after this next one. For emphasis, I will separate and bold it.
This rant is a generalization, not about anyone specific (even though it is), and I want you to believe that I don’t wish to offend anyone.
Actually, I want to offend one of you. But I needed that clarification to seem righteous. If I rant about something, I need to cover my bases. I will make assertions, then make a statement to the reader that shows I see both sides, thus absolving me of any wrongdoing. I hate that other side. I just don’t have the guts to have an opinion without a backup plan. To rant about something, and leave out the clarification, I open myself up to ridicule. I don’t want to start a conversation, I want to preach. And with that, my rant is done. I’ll end with a question. Does that sound familiar?
