If I was a billionaire…
I would buy every single thing they advertise on TV.
I would wake up from my Tempurpedic bed 
and get some reps in on my Total Gym 
and use the Shake Weigh
because my arms and chest are particular trouble spots.
After the sweaty workout, I’d take a shower in whatever the hell this is >
and towel off with my custom, monogrammed beach size Shamwow 
.
To clear out the morning dragon breath, I’d turn to my trusty Sonic Care 
.
Looking in the closet, I’d pick out a shirt that was strangely wrinkled. No matter. I’ll use my 
Tobi Wrinkle Remover.
Hmmm. What should I have for breakfast? I’ll ask Benson 
to make me something with the Magic Bullet 
.
He’d use the Slap Chop 
to add onions and peppers to my omelet.
Time to make those billions, so I’d hop on my Hoverround equipped with tank treads ‘cause I’m that ballin’ 
and travel the 200 ft. to my office.
I’d take business calls from my Jitterbug 
on the way.
SELL!
BUY!
After that stressful day, I’d want to go out and have fun.
I’ll get my other help
to fetch my car for a night on the town.
I’d plug in my Jitterbug to the Jupiter Jack 
and peel out, confident that all my calls will be taken hands-free.
I’d eat at Hell’s Kitchen 
and kick Ramsey’s ass when my steak was well-done.
I’d pop a Chaser pill 
‘cause I’d been drinking a bit, then stop in to the club that was in the first Blade movie 
to check out the scene.
“Hey! I met you on eHarmony! 
Nice fangs!”
We’d get out of there, the (what I think was) red wine was kicking in. We go back to my place where things were getting pretty hot and heavy. I’d pop a 
Viagra for the impending intimacy. I felt on her 
, she’d feel on my
.
& would take notes.
Wow, she’s kinky.
After the deed, I’d call her a cab
, and we’d promise to keep in touch .
Time to shower off and head to bed. What are these bite marks?
Oh crap…
