It’s Not Always About You…But Isn’t It?
Drama. It’s an inevitability when there are two people that exist in close proximity to each other. I was thinking about drama in my small circle of friends, and went off to my mancave and thought about it. What it boils down to is perspective.
When you approach problems, you come at it with your own experiences, values, preferences, what have you. You have preconceived notions. If you have an understanding of the situation, you put yourself in their shoes. But that is just baggage. It weighs you down, and you may not see the real issue. And it is this:
“What others see as normal may seem strange to me, and vice versa.”
They are emo? Maybe that’s normal to them. They’re an asshole? Normal. They have a dozen cats? Normal. Substitute any human issue, and to that person it may seem as normal as brushing your teeth. It’s not a matter of being “normal” or “deviant”, but more a question of, “Why do they continue to do the behavior that on the surface has no beneficial value? What are they getting out of it to repeat this behavior?”
Instead of looking at the behavior, look at the motivation. Behaviors are infinite, but I believe motivators are finite. If you take an example of, let’s say a person who worries a lot. They consistently cause you grief in what appears to be irrational, unfounded worrying over your every move. You feel it is smothering, and you are miserable. You think that the other person is miserable too. Not so fast. What possible gratification can someone have who worries and makes other people miserable? Although no clear answer, it is an exercise in flushing out motivation. Maybe they are escaping their own problems. Maybe they don’t like seeing others happy. Maybe they want to feel needed and the center of attention. Any number of things.
Things will always seem shocking and deviant if you look at them through your own, egotistical lens. Problems big, and small. If you know why someone is motivated to do something at a basic level, you can understand and empathize with it. And in some cases, alter it. And on the other side of the coin, use it against them.
And that brings us to having a situation “all about you.” When drama arises, a person never wants to come off as “the center of the universe” or the drama being all about them. But really that is the only way to approach a topic. How you feel. How you react. Once you start putting yourself in other people’s shoes, you find yourself in a smelly bowling alley, where you are wearing shoes that have been worn by who knows what god-awful person. Once you start speaking about other people, how you assume they feel, how their behavior is abhorrent, who was right and who was wrong, you are speaking beyond your scope. Let them speak for themselves. Let them vocalize to you something they take for granted. Ask them questions (pointed ?s), and have a bit more insight as to why people do what they do.
Fin.
